My Brain Vomit

I just got off the phone about an hour ago with Felipe an Apache medicine man living in New Mexico and I couldn't be more ecstatic! Long story short I had visited him many years ago with my church youth group and he left an indelible mark on me. Since then I've been wanting to go back and revisit him and possibly learn some things about the Apache spiritual tradition. After talking to him via email and phone he has agreed to take me on as a full spiritual apprentice, and since I am a two spirit like him (gay) I'll be able to learn both Father Sky and Mother Earth medicine. I'm supposed to be going down there roughly a year from now and I already can't wait! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Almost everyone lives partly in fantasy partly in reality, it's what keeps us going. If we weren't able to dream and be flighty then the stress of reality would crush us under it's weight. Which is precisely what I'm terrified of. I'm personally very capable of seeing the gray areas in pretty much everything in life, however I'm a very black and white person. I have a tendency to put the whole of myself into one kind of existence or another, it's just how I survive, go all or don't go at all. And so I'm brought to a horrifyingly pivotal moment in my life, growing up. Which in my mind equates to sacrificing your happiness on the high altar of money. I have to get a job, any job and get my fucking life together. I have to be willing to make myself miserable in order to build a savings account so that I can get an apartment. Then I'll get more jobs that I hate in order to buy bigger and better shit, which in the end is all for not. It will amount to nothing, I'm about to scale the rainbow only to find that the colors get dimmer along the way and the pot of gold really was just a myth. I'm afraid that once I step into reality I'll lose my fantasy, that my black and white ways will destroy my morale. I need fantasy to survive, because as emo as it sounds reality can really depress me. How does one prepare for becoming jaded? How do you continue on when you can't see the point? How do you even get started? Oh well, it's time to become an adult and hate my life like everybody else.

to meet his boyfriend's mommy. I'm heading down Southward today, gonna meet Momma Otter. I hope she approves of me, it's kind of a big deal. This will be the first time I've ever traveled with a boyfriend. I'm excited about it. We'll actually be celebrating Beltane with her coven, as she is an ordained Wiccan priestess. All in all I've got excitement colored butterflies flying around in my tummy. Wish me luck and safe journeys.

I had a productive and appropriate Earth Day. Much planting. Soil under the nails. Nature rules!

Going to Dayton. Hope I have fun. Hope I survive.
















Get it Bpex.

My neck and legs hurt from dancing at Woody's. I had never been there before and definitely had a great time. I have to say though I was reminded why I have a distaste for gay nightclubs. By the time the club fills up with people you start to suffocate on ego. Jack had the best description I believe, "The dance floor is like one big shallow kiddie pool." Oh those twinks!

Kate and I planted seeds today. Hopefully they'll be life.




Eeee!

No it's not, I'm lying it's just me. Something nostalgic grew in my belly tonight and I decided to dust off the old LJ and give it another whirl.













P.S.
I'm not really sure why the nostalgic lemon face looks constipated. Just go with it.

You know it's love if when it's all over you can't help but cry.






Bpex 2005

Isn't the spelling of phonetic somewhat ironic?

Never let the Queen know any of your secrets. If you do the Queen will tell the King and you will be under his watchful eye. Never trust the Queen.

I heard "For The Longest Time" in the mall today. Thought of you know who. *sigh*







I have new screen name everyone. It's cybernarcissist. IM me so I can add you to my bl.

All trust within my family has been broken. So much for me ever doing anything for my younger brother. Funny how you rat me out but never said a thing about Geoff, when he did the exact same thing. Mom I know you read this and you'll never trust me again. But I don't trust you either. You snoop around and read my livejournal to find out what's happening in my life. Try asking me.

YAY my phone is better now. Apparently taking the battery out and putting it back in reboots the phone. I bought a back-up battery just incase though. So all y'all can call me now. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Venti Caramel Frappacino!

My cell phone died! Not the battery, the phone. I charged it all last night and it won't turn on! Whatever shall I doooooooooooooooo? Woe is me!

WTFuck? How the hell did this happen?

I'm a Hunky Faggot! Oh hello. I am completely gorgeous. You may touch me for a nominal fee, although I’d prefer that you were at least as hot as I am. I was genetically engineered for pleasure. Mine.

What kind of Faggot are you?
Brought to you by Pushing Through</a>

This one is for Tara.

auk - Any of several diving sea birds (family Alcidae) of northern regions, such as the razor-billed auk, having a chunky body, short wings, and webbed feet.

GO TEAM GO!

Life continues and stuff happens. Bet you didn't expect that. Anywho I'm sorry to my hobo peeps for totally not noticing your crabbiness. I hope I didn't aggrivate it further, as I know I can be an annoying attention whore. This weekend was hordcore tiring, we got through it. I even did so in a good mood. w00t. Ew I'm starting to like boys again. Not that I ever liked girls I just didn't think about boys for awhile and it's happening again which is really annoying. Have you ever gone to bed and had your blankets feel softer than normal, your muscles looser than average, and just lied in the dark listening to the quiet? A peaceful moment in a hectic life. I had that last night, it was wonderful. I hope you all can experience if you haven't already. Ok so I gave into the latest lj rage so you must indulge me. Like I said I'm an attention whore.

If you read this,
even if I don't speak to you often,
you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal to see what people remember about you.

I don't care if you're my enemy or friend post freely.